i've given up on hopes of leaving, a broken bridge at every choice that i make

when i was making the aforementioned cd on sunday, i was looking at some of the tracks that one of my favorite djs, Luke Fair, has spinning in his recent sets. Luke Fair, the young canadian dj that I have spoken about before, has a certain style that runs the line of funky and progressive house music without becoming too dark and monotonous. in fact, i often think that i like to emulate his style of mixing and song selection.

i came across a group called "add 2 basket" that really intrigued me. after further research, i found out more about this dj duo that call themselves by this name. and here it goes....

add 2 basket is actually made of Shootie (who is one half of the group the Monkz) and the guy pictured above, named Andras Genser. Genser is a DJ from Budapest who was born in 1979. ironically enough, his love of music started at a young age, much like myself. in fact, i was even further intrigued to find out that he actually went through a point in his life where he was into hair bands, of which he calls his "hard rock season". just like andras, i was really into glam bands in the late 80's, attending the concerts of tesla, poison, and warrant to name a few.

it wasn't until the age of 20 that andras discovered his love of house music. while working as a bell boy during the day, andras saved his tips to which the money went straight to buying house music on vinyl. while working at this five star hotel, he met several "A-list" djs such as sander kleinenberg and nick warran, because as bell boy he was required to carry their record bags to their respective rooms. turns out, it was a chance meeting with harry "choo choo" romero that later landed him a gig at Pacha Budapest, after he gave one of the promoters there his mix and he like what he heard.

while spinning at Pacha, he met Shootie, and they began spending time together in the studio. a collaboration ensued, and soon they decided that they needed to put a name to some of their work. but they wanted something that would stand out, something that was catchy. turns out, their name comes from online record stores, as when you are purchasing music online, and you find a track you like, you must "add it to basket". as their productions improved and work began to take more solid form, they formed an online digital label called "add 2 basket records" which is available on Juno, 3 beat, beatport, and dj download. they have had over 2000 downloads to date.

this past october, andras was invited to sweden on a renaissance halloween party to play alongside nick warren and nic fanciulli. pretty cool that only 4 years before, he was carrying their record bags. check out http://www.beatport.com/ for digital downloads of add 2 basket.

it's hard to describe their style. blending house music with 80's, pop, disco, funky, synthesized, melodic and electro, it somehow really works. i love it.

part of me

how was the weekend? just fine i guess. i spent some quality with flippen on friday night. we dined in the highlands and made an appearance at Amsterdam where i found out they have a kitchen as evidenced by the large condiment cart near the door. i thought you weren't supposed to dine where ya disco? lord i know a certain queen who would love one of those at his house. 'cause you know, nothing is too good for a dipping sauce :)

brett's birthday part on saturday night was much fun. chris's house was full of a very hot and sexy A-list crowd but a definite lack of alcohol. of course, i guess word got around cause there were clearly more people there than had been invited. but then i was criticized by a fellow music blogger at the party for getting too personal and open on my blog. i thought that was what a blog was for, to talk about the things going on in your life, an online diary of sorts? alas, i do know i have spoken a lot about the people in my life, mainly tim, as it seems that was one of the only ways i was able to communicate my feelings with him. pretty sad that these days the most meaningful things to people are expressed in text messages, emails, and blogs. what happened to simply telling someone how you feel, like in person? oh i do remember...


i'm sure that people are tired of hearing about my failed relationships and near routine morning coffees with diane.. so now i look to focus more on music, as that is something i am passionate about and a part of my life where i have actually been successful.

the above picture is of a dj that i just discovered this weekend. his name is serge devant, and he grew up in St. Petersburg, in the old soviet union. serge was trained classically in the violin and piano before moving to the united states. after opening for Tiesto in 2005, Crobar requested him to become their resident DJ. he really has a great sound, and he has signed two new tracks, "surround u" and the forthcoming "part of me" due out later this year on Ultra records. The latter of which has been remixed by Emjae, and the result is a brilliant track with a georgeous male vocal. check out a clip here.

yesterday i sat down and mixed a new CD, this time leaning toward a more progressive sound, as i know with Shout events in the works, i will be playing a lot of freemasons this summer. the tracklist is below, and if you want a copy, i will be happy to email it to you.

DJ John Thompson
spring 2007

1.monkz - space dizko (add2basket remix)
2.emjae - hold me down (jim connor and raw shape remix)
3.damian strong - love shop (12" mix)
4.leama and moor - distance between us (jody wisternoff remix)
5.d-pulse - can't stop the morning light (phunktastike remix)
6.add 2 basket - lovey dovey (main vocal mix)
7.turbofunk - gotta move (trent cantrelle and chris cox mix)
8.the quasar - october (monkz remix)
9.blue amazon - and the rain falls (add 2 basket and monkz remix)
10.emjae - safe from you
11.karran & porter - what killed tony montana (phunktastike mix)
12.red squared - don't be afraid (tom novy vocal mix)

comments are welcome..

the clock was always ticking

today marks the kick off of the wconferenceinter music in miami, and i would love nothing more to be down there right now. so i must live vicariously through the posts of local djs around the world. that's okay, cause i know i will make it back to this week long celebration of music real soon.

and with the conference, comes loads of new music. i came across a new track by mutya buena, one of the original members of the sugababes, who left the group in 2006 to pursue a solo music career. if you remember back to early '06, the sugababes came out with a track called "easy" as remixed by seamus haji, owner of Big Love records. now mutya is working on a new album that is due out early summer of this year. her new track is a collaboration with george michael called "this is not real love", and the remix by Moto Blanco is superb. this time, miki moto and bobby blanco take a slightly more funky progressive approach in contrast to their normal straight up house sound. and it works. i am sure it will be a big track this week in miami.

you have it all, the latest, the greatest

i'm still trying to figure out why i felt so good today. i'm not complaining, but it just doesn't add up....

after two days on call, i was ready to cut loose and have some fun. so after the gym and a yummy breakfast at pot and pan, i set out on a bike ride with bret and johnbrown. it was a near perfect early spring sunday in atlanta, the sky so crisp and clear. we biked through GA Tech (a little too cold for the frat boys to go shirtless), atlantic station, and the highlands. lunch with dori at my favorite spot, Quattro, meant we also started drinking beer. on to BJ's for more libations where at one point i remember bj dancing on his coffee table to one of my new years cds. :)

then to blake's where it was clear upon entering that queens had been drinking since noon. and i mean cocktailed up and horny. if i had any question as to where Diane might be today, i could bet money she was with heyward......

follow up phone calls today revealed a juicy bit of gossip involving Hottie McPecs that lives just a few floors below me..... sprechen se deustch?

or so the story goes

well i am happy to report that my date last night was not retarded, contrary to what Eric may have thought. i will admit that i did have some reservations after speaking to him on the phone, but that quickly ended when i showed up to pick him up last night. he is a hottie collectible for sure. but more importantly, he is part of the extremely rare limited edition series 2 that I have been searching all over EBAY for: The Vietvanese Hairburner. and the most ironic part is that he lives just down the street.....on charles Allen......

the sun always shines on TV

.....and here is my niece, little Molly-Catherine, demonstrating what happens
when you decide to run down the hill after getting off of the school bus. note:
she didn't lose her front tooth in this accident, just secured a fractured arm
and a very colorful cast.

the new LA fitness over at atlantic station is now open and let me tell ya, it is
without a shortage of hot boys. and the native atlantans are really enjoying the
basketball courts....

it seems i am going on a date with the aforementioned boy i met last thursday
night. i admit it, i was tipsy. what? and eric has ASSURED me that he is in fact very cute......

distance between us

there is nothing like spring in atlanta. every year around this time, people all over the city come out of hibernation, and flock to the streets and parks. it's a chance for all those hot boys you don't see out at the bar to show off the body they have been sculpting in the gym all winter. today was no exception. from the uber-hot-shirtless-straight-boys playing volleyball, to my celebrity sighting of young Davis from the Real World Denver attempting to jog off a few extra lbs, it reminded me of why i love this time of year so much. yet it will only be a couple of months before the humidity, heat, and mosquitoes arrive, so get out and enjoy it.

changes in my life

i felt like i was in PTown this weekend. saturday morning started off cloudy and rainy, and like magic, the clouds broke and a beautiful day ensued. as did a nice bike ride.

dinner saturday night at fuel was real good. the salt-n-pepper-pizza-daddy-chef served up tasty slices and just like real rednecks we drank beer from coolers. it seems it takes a while to get a liquor license these days. just ask the people up in Gwinnett.

todd and brad's cocktail party for Ileana was fun and brought together a very eclectic group of people. i was tipsy and really not feeling like a night out and called it early. i did learn, however, that booty texts only work if the recipients inbox isn't full. who knew?

and then there was sunday. dori and i walked over to johnbrown's for a full on birthday celebration....lesbian style. the only thing missing was the meatballs and pigs n blankets. but lord did we drink some beer. we cut out at a respectable hour and walked back home only to see that cute jaredsapp skateboarding down Argonne. he scores big points for that. then it was on to Baraonda for a delicious dinner. and a little ogling at the wait staff. damn. can you say SAOP? i ignored the calls to blake's. smart thinking for once.

sorry for what i forgot to say, but you know how words get in the way baby.....lately

it's probably safe to say that i have had better weeks. i feel like i am just going through the motions at work. in fact, i am quite bored and find myself becoming annoyed with some of my coworkers. is it unreasonable to hold others you work with to the very same standards you strive for yourself? after all, piedmont is one of the premier heart centers in the southeast and it's time everyone starts acting like it. i really hope to make a move in '07, as i just don't ever want find myself fitting the mold of one of those single nurses from coweta county. i truly believe that there are bigger things out there for me, and sometimes i feel guilty for not pushing myself harder. i suppose it's easy to get stuck in what i would call a "comfort zone", but i know it's time to push forward. i ain't getting any younger.

then there's the boy scout. having sensed that something was wrong for the last two weeks, i finally pulled him aside this week only to find out he is really mad at me. it seems that i have been rude and mean to someone that i value as a true friend. and it has left me feeling really sad. i would never intentionally hurt someone that i care for, and my attempts to tease him were misinterpreted. and for that i am very sorry.

and finally there is Tim. the last six weeks have been great. we've spent a lot of time together, and i really did feel like things were moving forward, however, slowly. which isn't a bad thing. of course, i became a total girl on sunday night and simply posed the question "what are we doing?". it's been nearly four months, and i was simply sticking to one of the four agreements (thanks Flippy) ie: don't make assumptions. it seems that in every relationship, there is always one person that feels stronger about the other at different times. and now things are awkward and it saddens me. he is such an awesome person, and i wish he was ready to explore things further. i can feel good in knowing that i put forth an honest effort.

all of this heavy on my mind, last night i felt the need to get out and see people. so eric and i walked down to ecco for a respectable dinner and a few adult beverages. which turned into drinks back at my house with flippy and a strong showing of the junior league. then on to Whhhettt Bar where the cutest guy in the place decides to chat me up and ask me out. funny how that happens.

i hope this weekend will yield some positivity after such a trying week.

i'm not clean, i'm not pristine, i'm no queen, i'm no machine

gotta love some Fergie....

i have to admit that i sometimes find cheesy remakes of popular 80's tracks fun and enjoyable. for instance, LMC put out the track a few years ago, which mashed up U2's "with or without you" and the popular line from Whitney Houston, "take me to the clouds above". it worked. in fact, it might have made my New Years CD just a few months ago. just might.

i stumbled upon a track by the Hughes Corporation called "what a feeling" recently that was remixed by bimbo jones. yep, it's a remake of the popular track from the movie Flashdance. it's cheesy and dumb and really catchy at the same time. perfect for your ipod at the gym...

with the winter music conference two weeks away, i thought i would put together my predictions of what will be big this year. from the newest tracks to the up and coming producers and remixers. here we go:

1.Fedde le Grand - this 30 year old dutch dj and remixer became well known in 2006 with his hit track called "put your hands up for detroit". his newest track, called "take no shh" i predict will be played at all the big parties in miami.

2.Carl Kennedy - there is a lot of buzz over his latest track called "Ride the storm". it's really a hot song, reminding me of something by junior jack.

3.Michael Gray - what a big year for music for this DJ. from the popular house track "borderline" to his latest song called "somewhere beyond". the latter of which a vocal was recently added by Steve Edwards. also, i have heard clips of another track that is yet to be released called "walk into the sun" that may also be a big conference tune this year.

4.Dave Spoon - his popular song called "Sunrise" was huge in 2006, and now Seamus Haji (who owns Big Love records) have remixed this song and added a vocal. it's hot.

5.dirty south - man have these guys become popular. from their remix of depeche mode's "just can't get enough" to Chris Lake's "changes", i predict big things from them at the conference this year. the big buzz right now is their remix of Kaskade's new track called "sorry".

6.chris lake - from his song earlier this year called "changes" to the forthcoming tune called "carry me away", i can bet this guy will be played out in miami. he also has a new remix of a Robbie Williams track called "She's madonna" that is big buzz right now.

7. bob sinclar - this french house dj and producer returns from a big '06 with his track called "world, hold on". this time his track called "tennessee" and "champs elysees theme" that hold true to his signature house style.

8. miguel migs - there is big buzz over his new tune called "mesmerized". it's hot, perfect for hearing out by the Shore Club in miami. sexy, real sexy. it will definitely make the next "Beach House CD".

9.groove armada - the new track called "get down" is being talked about all over the internet. having produced quality house music for years, they can do no wrong with this one. i'm waiting for the remixes....

10. seamus haji - i love his signature big room funky house style. he returns with a remix of brand hew heavies "i don't know why". sure it's diva house, but it works.

honorable mention: new stuff from Funkagenda, sebastian ledger, kris menace, axwell, laidback luke, and roger sanchez. damn, i wish i was going to Miami this year.....

nothing can replace it

nothing like a little Chris Evans to brighten up your monday....

even your emotions had an echo, in so much space

they say that most disagreements in life, whether it be at work or at home, often times arise from miscommunication. in my case, it could probably be attributed to a lack of communication. i tend to analyze and over analyze things in my head, yet hold these feelings and thoughts inside for fear of the insecurities and vulnerabilities that may come from laying it all out of the line. in fact, every year when it comes time for my annual review, my only fault is that I tend to try to please everyone at work, often times avoiding conflict and confrontation. but alas, these are things that take time to change and overcome, and i'm working on it. so i spent that better part of last night thinking when i should have been sleeping, i know that relationships aren't easy, they take work and are never guaranteed. but as long as two people are clear about what they are feeling, a solid base can be established and you work from there.

sunny and 70

what started out as a dreary, rainy morning has quickly taken a 180 degree turn and become simply beautiful here in atlanta. a stark contrast from deer valley, where a group of my friends are snow skiing. i should be there, however, the powers that be, ie: work, have kept me here. i am reminded every day by the picture messages i receive from the ski slope and apres ski. but i'm not complaining, because the next several days here are supposed to be beautiful. is spring here for good? always nice to drive down 10th street and see the Georgia Tech track team out for a run....shirtless.

so it's ash wednesday, and it always makes me chuckle to see all the overweight nurses running for the hospital chapel to get "ashed" by on of the local catholic priests. this is a time where they vow to give up something for lent. diet coke, eating out a fast food restaurants, chocolate, all the things that single nurses cherish in life. only to fall back off the wagon in due time and stretch out their elasticized landau scrubs. thank god for polyester and lycra. and support hose.

so i had an idea for a new betty butterfield skit. cause it has been way too long since we have had any new material from her. in her endless search for the right church, this time betty decides to visit the hospital chapel and take in one of their services. only to find out there way too many prayer requests for Ethel and her hip replacement, or ardell and her terrible case of pneumonia. what about betty and her prayer needs?

she will, however, find it very convenient that the hospital chapel is located adjacent to the gift shop. and those lovely ladies of the auxiliary in pink smocks are happy to assist you with any of your "get well" gift ideas. candles, incense, lace doilies, get well cards, silk flowers. it's like being in a glorified michael's craft store.

on your keychain, or in the coffee spoon

with the winter music conference exactly one month away, new music continues to emerge in hopes of making an appearance in miami. if you aren't familiar with the WMC, it is a week long celebration of house music where the biggest DJs, promoters, producers, and musicians converge in miami for a festival of sorts. the official conference is held during the day, but at night, the city of miami comes alive. each night, record labels host parties at various clubs and venues, some of which are private and very esoteric. having only attended the WMC once back in '03, it is paradise for a DJ like myself. i remember distinctly attending a Nervous records party and standing five feet away from peter rauhofer, satoshi tomiie, and chris cox.

my buddy arjan has already commented on sophie ellis bextor's new track called "catch you". if you remember back four or five years ago, sophie had a popular song called "murder on the dancefloor" that got major play in the US. this time, she returns with a track remixed by none other than miki moto and bobby blanco, collectively known as moto blanco. unlike most of their other remixes, this time they take on a slightly more progressive-tinged house sound that is very refreshing. check out arjan's blog for a streaming sample.

i can't say that i'm not lost and at fault

with all the tabloid coverage of miss spears and her erratic behavior in the last few days, it has me wondering what kind of statement she is actually trying to make. seriously, it kind of reminds me of that old 80s movie, "the legend of Billie Jean", you know where she gets on TV and screams, "Fair is Fair!". I suspect things will only get worse for this troubled Looosianan laydee. next up, britney exiting a limousine in beverly hills with a visible coke ring in her left nare. and if anyone could produce such a photo, it would be perez hilton.

last week, i counted nearly eight new remixes of JT's newest single, "What comes around (goes around". each one a little different. and i really like the track, including Paul van dyk's progressive-trance remix . i'm looking forward to his concert next week here in atlanta. a full review to follow.

don't let this world drive you crazy

so it is Valentine's day, and i for one am excited. maybe it's because i haven't had anyone special in my life to share this day with in four years. and for that reason, i have never made a big deal about it. this year, however, i do have someone special in my life. after a shaky start, things with Tim have only gotten better. and he's exactly what i need in my life. devilishly handsome, extremely genuine, and one of the funniest people i know. the latter being one of the most important qualities i seek in a mate. our time together is easy and effortless, and for that i consider myself lucky. so we're off to South City Kitchen for dinner, y'all have a Happy Ballemtines Germennens...

show me what the girl does, to the boy

after listening to tracey thorn's new album a few more times, i have to say that I agree with johnbrown in regards to track #4, called "get around to it". it's sexy, real sexy. i can't wait to see which tracks will be remixed off of the new album, and if Ben Watt will be commissioned for any of the remixes.

my trip to ikea on saturday was anything but productive. i did have my first dining experience in the cafe where i chose the swedish meatballs and steamed vegetables. and let me tell ya, i have never seen so many fat people from the burbs grazing up in there. and going back seconds and thirds, often pretending that it was their first time at the buffet.

i did find a small wall mount bathroom cabinet, perfect to organize all of my hair product and salves, only to later find that the aforementioned piece of furniture is only available online. i find that place to be totally confusing when it comes to locating an item. much like i find itunes to be completely user unfriendly. first you have to know the name, then the location based on aisles and rows. the only problem is that the one item that I was interested in had neither of these. and when i attempted to use the "computer finder kiosk" it wasn't much help either. so i left empty handed.

dinner at sweet lime on saturday night was great, and an overdue trip to mary's was fun as well. though the crowd was anything but cute. being on call, i couldn't get quite the buzz in needed to perform at kary-OK. clearly, there are a few regular performers up in there. including the cute but annoying pocket-gay army cadet, part of the second series military line. apparently, he likes to get up on stage every saturday night and see just how well he can butcher a song in hopes of coming across as super cute. sort of a Top Gun character though not nearly as handsome but equally as crazy as Tom Cruise. i probably could have come off as talented had i chosen to sing right after him.

and sunday featured a nice visit with the family and a celebration of mom's birthday. it's funny, we all got together for her special day and she ends up cooking. but she loves to cook, so the digital meat thermometer was a welcomed gift. as well as the fancy chocolates i picked up at chocolate pink. she called me today to tell me how good they are. my nephew Carter, pictured above, is finally in that stage where he is starting to interact. i can tell by his red hair and demeanor that he is going to be a handful.

whenever blue teardrops are falling

so it's true. i may have secured a promo copy of Tracey Thorn's new album, "out of the woods", due to be released on March 7. guess it pays to have dj friends in Europe. this is the first solo release from Tracey in twenty five years, the last one coming out in 1982 just before she joined Ben Watt to form Everything but the Girl. and i have been listening to it all week; in the car, at home on my computer, even at work during procedures. and the more i listen, the more i like it. she has such a beautiful and unique voice, though at times on this album she reminds me of annie lennox. my favorite track so far is #11, called "raise the roof". more reviews to come.

cause in the dark of the night you're all i can see and you sure look like a star to me

so i promise not to bore anyone, especially that brat Beatrice-Elizabeth, with an hour-by-hour recollection of the weekend, including menu selections and kryptic komments. she's just jealous as she had to spend her weekend with a bunch of private-school thespians......that's just typical.

Rockefeller returns this year with a remake of Marvin Gaye's track "sexual healing". the remix comes from none other than the Freemasons, and it is pure funky house in nature. Rockefeller, who is made up of , Mark Nieuwenhuijzen, Dennis Christopher & Dimitrie Siliakus, first came to my attention last year when they produced a remake of the SOS band - take the time (do it right). This time, they return with solid production that only lacks the original vocal by marvin gaye. due out later this year, i am sure it will be in heavy rotation in ptown this summer.

FUPAstar

i've recently had some snide comments about my blog. people saying it's boring, filled with nothing more than menus and such. well, if you don't like it, then stop reading it. and lay off the hateraide for once in you life.

i have had a couple of dreams about davita dialysis debuting a new "drag therapy" program up at the hospital. and as foolish as the idea may appear at first, i think it could be quite entertaining and therapeutic for some patients. and if doesn't go over well at piedmont hospital, i am sure it would work well at the gay retirement home i plan to open one day...... i can only imagine buffet brunch conversation to include, "y'all, last night at the T-Dance i did two bumps of Geritol and ended up in the biggest G-Hole. I lost my walker and my shawl".

on to the music. Above and Beyond return this year with a new single called "for all i care". the track is being released on their very own Anjunabeats label. above and beyond, who is made up of Jonathan Grant, Paavo Siljamäki, and Tony McGuinness, originally came together in 2000. but it wasn't until 2002 when they made their first dj debut appearance in japan, in front of 8000 tokyo clubbers. since then, they have performed all over the world, even making Pete Tong's infamous essential mix show on Radio 1. the remix of their new track "for all i care" comes from an up and coming dj duo called spencer and hill. i predict these guys will be huge in 2007 with their signature big room house sound that is versatile and could fit in many different venues. check out their website for a clip of "for all i care". it's groovy, with synthesized melodies and just the right amout of vocal.

for all i care

well my black eye has finally healed. after going from red to purple to a lovely hue i call jaundice yellow. which probably correlates well with my elevated liver enzymes.....but that's the beauty about the liver. it can regenerate.

the weekend was very nice. a lovely dinner with the johnbrown's on friday turned into a short twirl around the dancefloor at the 'tic. i wasn't really feeling it. the people were fun, but the dj was stuck in heavy diva rotation and if i have to hear that remix of beyonce's "ring the alarm" again then it would be too soon.

saturday was perfect. tim and i did a little shopping, and later did some people watching in the park. the most amusing was a group of patagonia-wearing-granola-lesbians playing bocce ball uphill. what? makes perfect sense. and it was clear what was on one of the gals' mind judging by the way she was chomping on her gum....

dinner at Shaun's was fantastic. i really like what they have done with the old Inman Park patio, and after reading such a great review in the AJC i was eager to check it out. tim had the hanger steak and i once again showed my redneck roots and ordered the chicken liver fettuccini. delicious and very rich.

the send off party for JohnCasey was fun, but the line for drinks tended to not flow and there was just something about the energy (or lack thereof) that again i wasn't feeling. maybe i was simply missing my gratitude stone?

nothing but a heartache

well the freemasons have done it again. known for their disco-tinged house sound, they have been one of the most talked about dj duos of 2006. the freemasons are composed of russell small, house guise of one half of Phats & small and his co-producer, James Wiltshire. and they have been on a role as of late. their most recent single, "Rain down love" featuring the vocals of siedah garrett, is making the rotations of all the big house DJs. they consistently walk the line of disco and house music, with strong vocals and a sort of "hands in the air" feel. their newest and first compilation titled "Shakedown" was released this month and it generating quite a buzz. i have been a fan of the freemasons ever since i heard their remake of "love on my mind" a couple of years ago. and their remixes of "Mesmerized" and "Deja Vu" have been the themes to my trip to P Town for the past two years. there is something about their sound that just reminds me of the boat slip.

"shakedown" features remixes by the freemasons from the past two years. the first CD starts off with their massive remix of beyonce's "Deja Vu", a sample of some of their own production work like "atlantic" and "pacific", as well as remixes of angie stone and loletta holloway.

the second CD contains remixes of heather headley and luther vandross, as well as a sultry interpretation of rose royce's "love don't live here anymore", vocalled perfectly by judie tzuke. but what has really hooked me is the track titled "nothing but a heartache". simply amazing. this track is a cover of the obscure Northern Soul hit by the Flirtations (not to be confused with the other flirtations who did "like an earthquake" in the 80s. The original is on the Girl Group Sounds - Lost and Found boxed set, which was just nominated for a Grammy. The vocalist for "nothing but a heartache" is none other than sylvia mason-james, who once cover Diana Ross's "touch me in the morning".

the freemasons nail it with "nothing but a heartache". listening to this track takes me right back to P Town. it's sandwiches at Farland General store, its bike rides to herring cove, its sipping rum runners and flirting with boston boys at the boat slip. it's the A-House, it's spiritus pizza, it's David LaSalle, it's lobster bisque at the pot, its dancing with your friends to the grooves of Mary Alice. it's where i am going to be in a few months.......

The entire Freemason album, "shakedown" can be downloaded at itunes. and if you want the unmixed version of "nothing but a heartache", can be purchased and downloaded in mp3 format at xpressbeats.com.

close your eyes, count to ten, turn around, back again

looking at my new black eye in the mirror this morning, one would think that i must have had a pretty rambunctious weekend. looking back....

a failed attempt to have dinner with jeffrey had us running all of town. first to table1280, where it turned out they were having a private party. but they offered up wine and we stayed for a drink. then over to mall town to check out ashton kutcher's new restaurant Dolce. of course the wait was well over an hour. on to Strip, then the Grape, all with lengthy wait times. seems that business must be good in those parts. i mean, people from Dacula deserve their own place, right?

so we redeemed ourselves with a lovely brunch at murphy's on saturday, where the PGA women's golf tour bus must have stopped. i mean you couldn't pack more lesbians with wide wale corduroy in that place.

dinner at mitra for richard's birthday was delicious, though the service was miserably slow. i had the swordfish on a bed of Israeli couscous. perfect. then on to a party in ansley park at a house that was very beautiful....from the outside. then you walk in to see decoupaged gold wallpaper and every wrought iron animal from noah's ark. i'm talking a bombay company and kirkland's explosion. yucht.

oh whetbar, what ever will come of the? probably a 30 story condo building if things keep on keepin' on.

a west egg breakfast with tim and some loungin' with a cute boy. perfect day with the rain and cold. then over to bret's for soup and cornbread. i found it funny that the only person really paying any attention to the Saints game was the one lesbian amongst a group of ten gay guys. go figure.

now the black eye, that's for another day as it deserves a better story.

should i take the chance

last nights dinner at Trois was completely unexpected but very enjoyable nonetheless. i guess i was surprised to be going to the aforementioned restaurant with Tim. of course, we had an excellent time and the food was really great.

and what a beautiful space. our waiter was quite eccentric, and his voice mimicked Vera de Milo from In Living Color to a T. it was too funny. i had a difficult time figuring out the bathroom, but i made friends with some straight girl upstairs and she confessed that she too encountered a few problems.

now i don't know exactly what was in the margaritas, but it was liquid truth serum last night. lawrd, i couldn't shut up. and i awoke this morning with tequila and regret on my breath.

we ride

unfortunately, diane showed back up this past weekend, and here i thought she made the trip to new york with todd and brad to celebrate the King festivities....

friday night, the going away party for Carrie turned into gay taco night at casa grande followed by a spin around the heretic dancefloor. that is where i learned that i am in fact getting older. it used to be i was the youngest in my group on a night out, however, when two of the guys i was with didn't know who Kim English was or better yet what the song "Unspeakable Joy" I was mortified. certainly, they must have just skipped class the day they covered "anthems" in gay finishing school. and if i never heard that song again it would be just fine by me.

a terrible shame spiral ensued on saturday as i overslept and missed my hair appurntment and never planned a lunch outing with my parents. i mean, these hairburners gotta eat and that was just plain dumb....to schedule a morning haircut of course.

so i redeemed myself and made the drive out to marietta on sunday morning, where my mom cooked me an amazing birthday breakfast, with blueberry waffles and bacon. we visited, and then i spent the better part of the afternoon with my sister and her family. after all, this is one of my resolutions for the new year, to see my family more.

cut to max's party where i chatted up a daddy yoga instructor who turned out to be there with his dreadful boyfriend. then on to the T Dance at Fever, which turned out to be fun. the music was pretty good. and i was having big fun until the quintuplet B - er, Big, Black, Bossy, Bottom in a Burberry shirt decided to stalk me on the Dancefloor. that's when i made my exit.

harder, better, faster, stronger

thank you tony, for introducing me to Jason Whipple. can you say otter? you're right, what's not to love about this one?

flawless transgressions

i just love misheard lyrics as well as incorrect grammar. as i am guilty of both, and sometimes they occur at the same time. on new years eve, one of the late night stragglers at tim's party was attempting to pay me a compliment, only he said, "I must say, you have flawless transgressions". What? Keep in mind this was an overweight, balding, straight guy who had fled Alabama for the weekend, where he lives, because he called his wife a c*nt. yikes. that is almost as bas as calling your mom a bitch. but i knew he meant that I have "flawless transitions". in my music that is....

the boy scout and i had an excellent dinner last night at my new favorite restaurant, Quattro. it's a cute place, with excellent pizzas, salads, and paninis. how did i just discover this place? the staff is friendly, and the owner looks just like my Truro lover from Ptown. speaking of
P Town....

big changes are about to take place at work. this mornings mandatory staff meeting was very dramatic. i should have known that something big was going on when they made all members of my department conference call in at 6:30am, even if they had the day off. our business is down by 50% when compared to last year, and people are starting to worry if their job is secure. and here i thought there was a nursing shortage? and on top of that, my manager resigned today and let me tell ya, people got real emotional. makes me think '07 will be my final year at a place i almost call home.

what to do this weekend. my birthday is on tuesday, so i'm ready to celebrate.

a little more sure, a little more wise....and courageous.

it seems like this day has gone on forever, beginning with at 4:45am bike ride in the cold to the gym. geez i forgot how difficult it is to get up that early, and the only thing that got me going was seeing Salty McDadderton doing sit ups at that hour. who knew that he would change his workout to the early morning? that strut, that hair, that old restored mustang. Hot.

the all day meeting of the professional (single) nurse practice council afforded me time to read about the morning-after HIV pill. What? seems it can be bought at clubs in a "three-drug party pack" that includes ecstasy or crystal and viagra. how irresponsible is that? Oh let me ask dawson if he has heard of it....

i wonder if '07 will be the year for pick up lines involving the topic of dental health? after all, teeth are one of the first things you see on a person, unless of course you are on the dancefloor of the Heretic on a friday night in which case you may find yourself looking down. just ask johnbrown, for i swooned a certain hunky writer from Los Angeles in the middle of Symbology in Ptown. next thing you know, we were comparing gum lines in the mirror and sharing secret bleaching techniques. apparently, his twin was seen roaming the streets of NYC this week...

so i guess the fortune tellers right

so i have found myself single again. but it wasn't for a lack of trying. when Tim came over on saturday night, i could sense there was a lot on his mind. so we sat down and talked about life, relationships, and happiness. well, he talked and i listened mostly. and though i may not have fully understood what he was feeling, i do appreciate his honesty. sure, i am sad and disappointed. for it has been a very long time since i have felt this way about someone. but i would never want to preclude someone from finding happiness.

i have been told that i seem like a very happy person. and for the most part this is very true. People who know me would say that i am always smiling, often laughing, and rarely sad. i find happiness in the things in my life; my family, my friends,and my work. unfortunately, people tend to lose sight of what is in front of them and wait around for the next best thing. the next best car, the next best party, the next best restaurant. we tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. so i may not be rich or drive a fancy car. but would i give up the laughter, the smiles, and the good times with my friends? never. i find the following quote on happiness to be quite meaningful...

".... there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time...and remember that time waits for no one. So, stop waiting until you finish school, until you go back to school, until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you retire, until you get married, until you get divorced, until Friday night, until Sunday morning, until you get a new car or home, until your car or home is paid off, until spring, until summer, until fall, until winter, until you are off welfare, until the first or fifteenth, until your song comes on, until you've had a drink, until you've sobered up, until you die, until you are born again to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy." -unknown author

for they say that Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

thank you nurse Cleo.

and praying i don't doze, until my 9 volt battery goes...

well my first week of 2007 has been real. real healthy. real active. real sober. yep, not a single drink of alcohol since nye. excellent workouts, turkey burgers, grilled vegetables...all the healthy habits that could change by next week, but i am not complaining. so tonight, i digress. looks like i may venture out for a drink or 4 but i deserve it.

but i wasn't thrilled when my dermatologist told me today that i have very "Rosacea Prone Skin". Speaking of unattractive. So is rosacea.

too broke to fix said daddy get your gun

and i thought this short week was flying by until today. a slow morning at work left me deep in thought, which continued into the late afternoon. then the paulding county emergency thought to be having a heart attack actually turned out to have this. who knew a broken heart could cause a heart attack. and guess who diagnosed it on the spot? even further support for me moving forward with a career change.

so with the new year comes new gym memberships and of course new music. jody wisternoff, my current obsession and one half of the progressive house group way out west, has been releasing his mixes for download over the past few months. the second track on his december mix i predict is going to be huge. It's by another well known house group called Faithless. their last album hasn't received the best reviews, but the next track set to be released is called "Music Matters". It features the stunning vocals of Cass Fox and the spoken word of Maxi Jazz, and british rapper and lead vocalist of Faithless. and finally, this beautiful remix that gives me chills every time is remixed by Pete Heller, most well known for the Classic House track "Big Love". due out later this year, you can hear a sample here. just scroll to the media section.

for all those for whom music was a message

I hate to say it, but i am glad the holidays are over. there is something so hectic and stressful about the month of december with holiday parties, last minute christmas shopping, and all the new years eve rigamarole, that it sometimes becomes a blur. maybe that is just a function of me getting older, as clearly time seems to go by quicker every day. now i just have to make it through the middle of the month when i turn 31. yikes.

so far, 2007 has been real good to me. i spent the better part of the yesterday with a cute boy in the park. talk about beautiful weather.... and i found out today that one of my close friends has been promoted to president of the Condo Store. congratulations brad!

sure i have a few resolutions for the new year, don't we all? but mine starts with less time with diane, we are on a break.

zephyr in the sky at night i wonder

well edna and johnbrown's holiday party last night was a huge success. what a good time was had by all, and according to johnbrown, it (the party) raged until nearly 3 am but luckily i was gone way before midnight. chalk one up to some self-control and good judgment.....what's that? i (luckily) was diane free this am, but i hear she made the rounds with several other party-goers including bret anne, who may just have ended up at the 'tic. (let me quickly put on my surprised face)...hehe

the food last night was nothing short of amazing. that johnbrown is a damn fine cook, and the grilled chicken on skewers with the satay peanut sauce are near perfect in my book. i spent much of the night crowded around the table (and the bar) and that was just fine by me.

so nice that eric's entire family came to the party last night. they sure are down with the gays, and are such delightful people. in fact, i looked around that party last night and realized how incredible genuine and very good looking my friends are. i guess you could say i am blest.......

what a cute couple..... 

and then there was evans...... 

mark seib, the assistant, and myself 

Edna and the entire McNaughton family were in attendance... 

anthony, looking great as usual, and a very thin cliff 

heaven holds a sense of wonder

despite being on call Christmas and spending nearly 8 hours doing double FUPA duty, i still managed to make it out to scarietta and spend some time with the family on Christmas day. as you can see, Carter isn't sure if he really likes his new UGA hat. but i had a good time, spent some quality time with Molly-Catherine aka beatrice-elizabeth, and of course enjoyed my mom's cooking immensely. next year, i have made a promise to myself that i will not be on call, which of course means i will [hopefully] be in a new job.

tomorrow night should be big fun. johnbrown and eric are hosting a holiday cocktail party over on 5th street. only this year, i plan on walking to said event and will not make an appearance as Ptown barbie....

 

my visit with becky and her new lover, Andy, was really special. they arrived sunday night and we had drinks at my condo and exchanged gifts. i think she really liked her Borghese gift set, but i was really blown away by her present to me. It is a painting by one of her favorite artists in Charleston, Carol Mcgill. The painting is of the various bridges in Charleston, in the exact colors of orange I have in my condo. (now i have no sense of decorating, so i owe all the credit to her).

we later joined joel and brad over at the H&H ranch, where dinner featured beef tenderloin, gnocci, and joel's signature winter salad. of course, being on q2h feedings, i went back for a second helping. wine was served and we had time after dinner to really get to know Andy. of course i liked him from the beginning as he introduced himself using his first and last name, a subtle southernism that i picked up, letting me know this boy has manners. and becky is so deserving of a handsome, genuine guy in her life. i can't think of anyone more deserving. 

all about potential, dollface

yesterday's outing for wrapping paper was a success, despite all of the procrastinating last minute shoppers. i found exactly what i needed at Target, and let me tell ya, there were gaggles of queens up in there just tearin' it up on some credick cards. oh the gays....

i awoke this morning feeling slightly anxious, craving something with an "X" in it. I'm still on call, and i still have to wrap all of my gifts. plus i have company coming in a few hours so there are toilets to clean. cause' a dirty toilet just announces that you are low class.

for last minute stocking stuffers for the lady on your list , let me suggest a tub of tussy.

you were working as a waitress at a cocktail bar

it seems that the holiday season has kept diane real busy. she made all the rounds in midtown this morning. let's figure out why...

i was really looking forward to my dinner date with Dori last night (she's the incredibly beautiful woman pictured above, by the way). we worked together for years at piedmont and now she works for one of my very good friends at Abbott. after catching up chez moi, we walked over to Ecco for dinner. and after finding out the wait for a table would be well over an hour, we were lucky and grabbed a table near the bar. the food was really good, this being my first time dining at ecco. we had the tuna crudo and mussels to start. they mussels came in a cream sauce with potatoes and leeks and were simply divine. (even better than the mussels at carroll street cafe). and we split the risotto with wild mushrooms. perfect. i love the atmosphere in ecco, it's warm and cozy and very romantic, and i was with the most beautiful woman in the place.

then it was off to Blake's to meet up with friends where it seems everyone was out to celebrate. the greats, the near-greats, and the junior league were all in attendance. even the drag queens (what? at Blake's?), which still make me very nervous. (is there something fundamentally wrong with a large black man dressed in a red feather dress doing a drag number to christmas songs? let's discuss). BJ and yoga Jason (who I must say complement each other so well) were set on getting me and Dori drunk. mission accomplished. thanks.

somehow we ended up at Wetbar (without taking the shuttle) where we were joined by the Mayor and Ty. and I was soon drinking water. you see, i had to work today unlike the other drunks in that place. dori and i left at a respectable hour, walking back to my place in the light rain and crashed. i woke up to diane hitting me on me on the head with one of those plastic fisher price mallets. i left her in bed for dori to entertain.

i'm really looking forward to a quiet weekend. i have presents to wrap (yes, i finished all of my christmas shopping yesterday in less than two hours). Beck-yay comes into town on Sunday and I am looking forward to dinner with her and Andy, her new boyfriend. looking for last minute stocking stuffers, I told mom I wanted a fleshlight. though i don't think you can buy them at home depot.

somewhere along in the bitterness

geez this week seems to be flying by, and i know exactly why. as usual, i haven't finished my christmas shopping. in fact, i think i have only purchased a total of two gifts. sometimes i think i set myself up for this stress, knowing that i do operate well under a short deadline. and the fact that I am on call this entire weekend is enough to make me get this job done by friday. we shall see.

all this and work is driving me crazy. if i have to hear one more person answer a question with a question i may just go postal. I am so sick of hearing "I don't care, I will do anything my team leader tells me." give me a break, are you not an adult and entitled to having an opinion for once in your life? my thoughts of a new job are heavy on my mind, and my mom keeps asking me what i want for christmas. (i finally told her to stop buying me clothes, as she tends to buy me things that my dad would wear. very nice and quite expensive, but I am 31 not 67 and I don't usually hang out at Opus 1. but maybe i should consider it?) so i thought of a perfect gift this year..... a new interview suit. and i am not talking one of those liquidated K&G ghetto suits, I want a nice one....from bloomingdale's.

so wish me luck as i battle the traffic tomorrow afternoon and throw myself into the thick of last minute shopppers desperate to find that perfect gift. But I have an advantage.....and it comes in the form of a list and a xanax.

It's not a problem, cause it was free....

Ms. USA, Tara Conner keeps her crown!!

and i would have stayed up with you all night

I really should have gone with the boys to High Hill Lodge this weekend. shouldawouldacoulda.

Friday night was a lot of fun. after a tiring 14 hour day at work, i made it home just in time to grab my headphones and CDs and head over to Midcity Cafe. and soon enough, the place was packed with over twenty of my friends there to support me. that means so much to me.

this time, Jefferson and i took turns at the decks, each spinning about 45 minutes. he has such an impeccable taste for music, and it really is cool to be able to spin alongside someone who shares such a passion for music. we complement each other.

now what i wasn't prepared for was the telephone conversation with tim on sunday morning. talk about making a 180 degree turn in a matter of two days. here i was thinking that we were having a good time, and to be honest, it has left me very confused. and i may never fully understand. i can only wonder why he would put so much effort and time into making plans with me, texting me, etc only to withdraw completely??

joel and brad's cocktail party saturday night was big fun. the bartender poured the strongest drinks (even when I asked several times for a "light skinny"). soon enough, people were trashed including an ER physician that was giving me the creeps. but it was fun to catch up with my ptown group. and damn if yoga jason didn't look his best!

the boyscout picked me up yesterday and we met bret, trey, and Holly for a late lunch at neighbors. the weather was so incredible that we felt the need to be outside.

cut to blake's.............another story for another day.

I'll Lick your ice cream, and you can lick my lollipop

if you are a fan of Thai food like myself, then you should check out Spoon. located on Marietta Street in west midtown, this relatively new restaurant offers affordable thai cuisine in a really cute and cozy setting.

for starters, the nam tok beef salad comes on a bed of cabbage and purple onion and is really good. last night, i had the pad kraprao with beef which was a safe choice as it wasn't too hot. (i learned last time that I am not really cut out for a 3 chili pepper entree, especially on a first date. sweating at the dinner table is not pretty). if you like spicy, try the spicy mixed seafood. it is excellent but very hot.

if you know anything about house music, then you have probably heard of Sandy Rivera. This Puerto Rican born DJ who now resides in New York began playing records at the young age of 13. Sandy cites his musical influences throughout the years to come from disco, rap, hip hop, soul and pure house music. He has even released records and remixes from several different dj guises including soul vision, the committee, and Kings of Tomorrow. His hit released under the latter name KOT called "Finally" featured Julie McKnight on the vocals and was definitely an Ibiza anthem back in 2001. I even own that classic track on vinyl.

This year, Sandy returns with a new track called "Lollipop" that is nothing short of pure fun. It has that perfect "sassy black girl beat", an element that johnbrown finds essential to getting down and dirty on the dancefloor. call it the "milkshake" of 2006 if you will.

check out a sample here.

when i was a young boy i tried to listen

there are few djs that can really impress me on a regular basis. but Kaskade is definitely one of them. and last night he surely didn't disappoint. we arrived around 11pm only to find out it was the annual Santa pub crawl, and you guessed it, it culminated at Eleven50. as i entered the club i was bombarded by nearly 150 overserved santas in full costume. it reminded me of a scene (or is it nightmare) from A Christmas Story. but as chris robyler remarked, "john, these people are not in it to win". and sure enough, an hour later, me and my posse of 30+ managed to run off the drunken Santas and we took over the dancefloor.

the opening dj, Rachel, was very good, though her mixing was spotty at times. however she did end with an excellent mix of Coldplay - white shadows.

shortly after midnight, Kaskade took over the decks and for two and a half hours he played a fantastic set. it was progressive, it was funky, it was house. and the man knows how to read a crowd. he would play harder and harder, then bring it right back up by throwing in one of his signature remixes such as "everything". his passion for music and love for dj'ing is apparent in his face and the energy that he exudes. This was my 4th time hearing him out and each time has been a unique experience.

I got to spend some quality time with Arjan, and i honestly think he enjoyed the show more than he expected to. :)

best music i have heard out this year without a doubt. Excellent Job Ryan!

Here is what i remember:


Kaskade - stars align
David guetta vs. the egg - donÂ’t let me go (walking away)
Kaskade - be still
Bob Sinclair - world, hold on
Chris lake - changes (dirty south remix)
Eric prydz - proper education
Pete heller - big love (original I think, pure classic!)
Depeche mode - I just canÂ’t get enough
Kaskade - steppin out
Kaskade - in this life
Kaskade - everything (kaskade's big room anthem)
Late night alumni - empty streets (kaskade remix i believe)
Fedde le grand - put your hands up for Detroit
The creeps - freaks (vandalism remix)
Roger sanchez - lost (d. Ramirez lost in rave mix)
Kaskade - itÂ’s you, itÂ’s me (ended the night with this track)
David morales - here I am (kaskade remix)
Aaron smith feat luvli - dancing
Michael gray - borderline
Supermode - tell me why
Milk & sugar - stay around for this
Kaskade - all you (played near the end, i suspect this will be the next single to be released)
Cicada - the things you say
Evermore - itÂ’s too late (dirty south remix)
Toby neal - do you want (my love)

you must not know 'bout me

well it's that time again. the annual Piedmont Hospital kraft bazaar. This year while perusing the endless line of tables of stuff, i counted 37 christmas sweaters. and i mean all kinds, from cardigans, to sweatshirts, to even jazzy little denim dresses complete with bedazzled santas. my how the ladies love to don the holiday sweaters this time of year. i really didn't find many things of interest, except for the butch lesbian with dental caries who was selling CD wallets made out of old license plates. there i was on my hands and knees looking through boxes for a CD wallet with PAULDING county on it. no luck. and i was going to give it to Eric for 'Critmas. i did enjoy her story of spending the entire day in a junk yard yanking these license plates off of old, broken down cars.

this weekend should be big fun. the toy party on sunday is always a great event, and it's nice to see all of gay atlanta come together for a good cause. especially since it provides an opportunity to show off your newest chemise (thanks johnbrown) and jeans from the Diesel corner at Universal Queer. and they were only marked up 20%. what a deal.

y'all be good and have a coke if you're thirsty.

rattle the cage, flicker the light

a wednesday-hump-day-list-of-things-on-my-mind:

*LG - and i'm not talking about the company that makes TVs. though life is good....
*tongue scrapers - an effective treatment for thrush or just simple chronic halitosis?
*the assistant - my what a Big, er, uhm. Tree, yes, Tree you have there. just beautiful
*Dr. Boulden - my future boyfriend, i mean, cosmetic dentist......should i ever need him... *it turns out they want to use some excerpts from my tired blog in a book to be published in Japan for students of contemporary English and American cultures. My only question: Do the Japanese people know Diane???

Is that a geiger counter? Noooo, it's an ionization chamber....

temperatures in the 70's in late November? only in atlanta.

Billy's party in Kirkwood on friday night was really fun. Johnbrown and erik picked me up and we headed to the hood. erik impatiently served as the back seat driver and navigation system all packaged into one. but we did manage to make it unscathed.

His house is really beautiful, but i found the mix of people at the party to be more interesting. a pair of 6'4" gay twins that i haven't seen in years (erik immediately latched onto one of them), a Paraguayan pediatric nurse, and a brazilian spin teacher at the piedmont hospital gym. can you say SAOP mission? the most interesting guest was a pierced guy who arrived carrying a gym bag claiming he was there to "spin". I immediately thought he was my competition, only imagining him whipping out one of those IPOD mixers and a pair of headphones. instead, he was there to spin fire in the backyard. different...yes.

Saturday night, Tim and I had dinner at Mitra. not realizing it was lesbian hour, i made reservations that really weren't needed. I had the seared ahi tuna over a bed of black rice risotto. and he had the organic chicken with asparagus. mmmm......asparagus.

the play over at actor's express, Based on a totally true story, was enjoyable, but definitely not my favorite. it's the story of a playwright and comic book writer who is approached by hollywood to turn his play into a movie. and as the lead character becomes more and more involved with this project, his relationship with his boyfriend suffers. in addition, he also had to deal with his relationship with his parents and their failing marriage. you can probably finish this story....

and then there was sunday. The "gay bike group" (bret, trey, john, kevin, and I) met up in piedmont park and we set off for a spectacular ride. perfect day for one in fact. through the va highlands, over to freedom park, on to kirkwood, and finally stopping for lunch and a few beers at the Universal Joint in Oakhurst. I came home, showered, and was in bed watching Brokeback Mountain at 7:30pm. Now that sounds respectable, don't it???

Caspercorn

the play that i attended last night has had me thinking about the relationships in my own life. more importantly, i often think about my relationship with my sister, and how it has evolved and continues to change every day. growing up, we really weren't that close. she is over five years older than i am, so we really didn't have common interests as kids. (though she did influence me musically so we did share that bond). and it really wasn't until i reached adulthood that the our relationship changed and we actually became friends. now, i can see how our relationship has changed once again. sure i wish we were close like we once were twelve years ago, but our live are very different now. the things that we both once enjoyed doing together are no longer the same. and that is simply something that i have learned to accept. much like my relationship with my parents and their understanding of my sexuality.

i came across an article that my sister wrote some twelve years ago, when she was a copy editor for the local newspaper down in macon, georgia. and it brings me to tears each time i read it.


October 11, 1994

LITTLE BROTHER GROWS UP

now that it's beginning to feel like autumn, i find myself thinking about school (just like i did every fall for 16 years). More recently, my thoughts focus more and more on my little brother.

Well, I don't suppose I should call John little any more - he's at least 6 feet tall and a brand new freshman at the University of Gerogia. That's really startling.

There's this image seared on my brain of my brother when he was about 7: short, skinny, complete with missing teeth, mussed up hair and a mischievous glint in his eyes. It's hard sometimes to reconcile the young college student and the little boy I grew up with.

Suddenly I understand the shocked expression on the faces of relatives I saw only once or twice a year as a child. I know things change and grow while I'm not there to witness it, but I find my self thinking: Are you REALLY you? When did this happen?

But even stranger than that emotion is the way our relationship has evolved in the past year or so. Somewhere during that time we've advanced from the adversarial big sister/little brother
connection to an actual friendship.

I can't pinpoint when it happened, just as I can't say exactly when my parents became my friends instead of authority figures.

John's five years younger than I. When we were little, it didn't make much difference. We'd both wake up early on Christmas morning, check our stockings, then wake up Mom and Dad before checking under the tree. We repeated that ritual every year until we both knew the truth about Santa Claus. We liked catching lightning bugs in the summer and making snow angels in the occasional Stone Mountain ice storms.

Both those five years were a considerable gap once I moved into adolescence and left him in childhood. We weren't affected by the same issues; we didn't have the same concerns. We lost much of our common ground.

Once I went off to college, it seemed like every time I came home John was a different person. He gained three inches on me during the summer of 1991.

I guess it was during his senior year of high school that he first began to confide in me more, and I in him. When I'd come home for a weekend, we'd go to the mall or rent a movie, just like we'd do with our respective friends.

This past spring or summer I'm nor sure, I was home and pining to shop at the new mall in Alpharetta. To my surprise, John, not my mom, was the willing companion. Not only that, he drove. He patiently served as critic. Then, after tolerating being dragged all over the mall, he insisted on treating me to cappuccino. And over the steaming cups we sat and really talked about school, his getting ready for college, about life in general.

It was a really significant moment: On one hand, I had been looking forward to that time for almost as long as I'd waited from him to get tall enough for me to raid his closed. I'd always admired the close friendships friends enjoyed with their siblings.

On the other hand, we were talking about growing up and moving apart and the occasional yearning for the carefree days of childhood. We were close then because we lived under the same roof.

But we're close now because we want to be. So, I think about him in Athens, hanging out at placed I told him to go, studying and worrying about college things. I remember my breathless time of standing on the threshold of adult life. Then I remember how quiet it was at home with my parents about a month ago, my only trip there since John's been away.

I haven't yet been to visit him and to see how he and his roommate have customized their dorm room. But I plan to go soon.

And I hope it's another step in the process of getting to know each other outside of family parameters. Because I realize that I didn't lose a "baby brother." I just gained a lifelong friend I never realized I had.

giving thanks.

I really do love Thanksgiving. every year, my immediate and extended family gathers for a full day of drinking, eating, and catching up. this year, the festivities were held at my parents house out in scarietta. and the house was packed, as this year we welcomed 35 people. but let's talk about wednesday night first.

against my will, i joined everyone at the sharley-turnbulls for cocktails, and soon we departed for Eleven50 for the annual pre-thanksgiving-go-out-and-dance-with-your-shirt-off-amongst-the-thankful-gay-boys-night. The music was terrible as I knew it would be, but he crowd was fun and happy as it always is on holiday nights. there is something about the holidays that brings out the guys that never go out, so it truly is a lot of fun. we danced well into the morning, and i left just as the music turned into sounds, not songs.

my cousin arrived from Denver around noon on thursday, and todd and i picked her up at the MARTA station and headed north. and what a good time was had by all. 2 turkeys, 1 hams, all the yummy sides, and for dessert...... well, pecan pie, pumpkin pie, and black russian kahlua cake. it really was brave of my good friend todd to accompany me to such a festive event, as it can be quite overwhelming to step into a house of 35 drunks. but he held is own very well, even becoming big buddies with my cousin Carol, who i haven't seen in over 7 years. she's a special ed teacher out in cartersville, and we appropriately named her "Thanksgiving Pat". She likes to party that one.

so now it's the weekend and i am looking forward to yes, my 3rd date tomorrow night. yikes.

pictures below tell the story....

and little Carter is growing up too. here he is at 6 weeks old. 

me and little Beatrice-Elizabeth 

The family